Fuck.
I mean it. Fuckity fuck fuck. God damn it, I miss everything. I didn't even catch the tail end of Beardom. I watched it, but I didn't join. Fuck.
Story of my life, man. By the time Matthew hears about the cool thing, it's on the way out. That's how it's gauged. Next time you hear about potential coolness, ask me if I've heard of it. Have I? If so, it's on the way out. Don't bother.
This would be different, of course, if I lived in a catalyst town like San Francisco. But I don't really want to be there.
I suppose I could invent my own "doomed" movement, just so I can be on the ground floor. And to prolong its coolness, I'll invent something weird or inaccessible, just so no one will want to join and spoil my fun.
Carp!
I'll invent the Carp Movement. Or Cod. Cod? Nah. Carp. Naturally, it will come with its own peculiar vocabulary. I'll have Daddycarps, and Leathercarps, and email addresses like topfingerling4U@carp.com.
"Hey there, Daddycarp. Bloop!"
"Hi yourself, Mr. bloopy Carp. Have you met my bloopy new fingerling?"
"Bloop!"
And so on.
The thing that really upsets me about all of this is that Beardom is still so valid, and everyone's sounding the death knell. The general consensus seems to be that, like Hawaii, Beardom was so much better before. The delineation is somewhat vague, though. Before what? Before I showed up? Before it got marketed to? Please! When WASN'T Beardom marketed to? Beardom jelled because someone recognized a marketing niche.
Was it better before it got so damn popular? This says more about Beardom's old guard than it does about the newer folks who join up. This smacks of a jaded crowd who've wallowed in All Things Bear for upwards of ten years, for whom the initial excitement and glow have faded. We're back to the Carp thing again. Besides, I don't think it's really all that crowded yet. When was the last time someone honked or flirted with you on the highway because of a Bear sticker on your car? It has happened to me precisely once, and I was on my way up to the city.
Beardom is still valid, for no other reason than that it's a great support system for frustrated men who don't think anything awaits them outside their closet doors. I had absolutely no intention of coming out until I found out about Bears. Imagine my dismay at learning that I can't be one now, by sheer dint of bad timing.
Fuck.
So I'm going to go start planning Carp Pride now. I will NOT be seeing you there next year.
Bloop!
Last updated 24 March 2003
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