My attitude toward deadbeat fathers and the effectiveness of Child Support Services in collecting payments from them closely resembles Ted Rall's, and I refer anyone who wants to know more about that subject to his excellent book Revenge of the Latchkey Kids. Now there's a bitter guy.
With this in mind, imagine my horror when, a couple of months ago, I received my first Child Support Warning Notice in the mail, addressed to me, with my correct middle name, and my address, including the apartment number which no one ever got right. Within a couple of weeks I received another, and I was convinced that I was either the victim of identity theft, or of a clerical error that was going to cost me upwards of $8,920 in back payments, with 10% yearly interest, and continuing hefty monthly payments beyond that. Then I looked closer, and realized that they had the wrong Social Security Number. The agency had probably shotgunned notices like this one all over the state, and perhaps the nation, trying to find the real deadbeat dad. After that I ignored the notice, and I continued to ignore further letters from them.
I just got another one the other day, and it told me what all of them tell me— that the past due amount will be updated monthly, that the past due amount(s) will be referred to the United States Department of the Treasury for collection by Administrative Offset and/or Federal Tax Refund Offset, that the California Franchise Tax Board will take any income tax refund to which Matthew Keller might be entitled to pay these debts, and that since he owes past due child support in an amount exceeding $5,000, the Secretary of State will refuse to issue a passport to him. They'll also garnish his wages, and withhold personal injury settlements, workers compensation installments or lump-sums, or third-party insurance claim benefits.
My father moved to the Philippines when I was five years old, leaving his unemployed ex-wife and five children behind. Anyone who has ever had to drink powdered milk will understand why I'm struggling not to send this notice back to Child Support Services with the words, "I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU FUCKING TRY" in big bold letters across it.
Last updated 24 March 2003
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